Raise your voice, stand tall and never, ever apologise for who you are - Women's Agenda

Raise your voice, stand tall and never, ever apologise for who you are

“Still somewhere in our brains is whispering the stereotype that says if a woman is leading, if she’s commanding then she’s probably given up on the female traits of nurturing and empathy, she’s probably pretty hardboiled, she’s probably pretty ruthless, she’s not very likeable, I bet she’s a bit of a bitch.

If we are honest with ourselves I think we’ve all had a moment in our lives when we caught ourselves saying that about a woman we’ve worked with or knew.

Until we can shed that stereotype that likeability and women and leadership don’t go together, we’ll be putting baggage on the women leaders who do emerge.”

That is a comment that former Prime Minister Julia Gillard gave at a dinner in London this week. It resonated on several levels.

Like almost a million other Australians I tuned into Sarah Ferguson’s The Killing Season on Tuesday night and I watched with considerable dismay. Actually it was closer to despair.

The depth and breadth of the lost opportunities delivered to Australia by the Labor party’s brutal machinations was exposed with exceptional clarity. Tuesday’s episode was damning of Julia Gillard.

Could she have not dealt with Kevin Rudd more effectively? Raised the issues with him earlier? Been totally frank, rather than leaving him with a wedge of hope? And, not just on that fateful evening but in the months beforehand? Could she have been more decisive – either way – about the proposition of her taking over?

These were a few of the questions I had watching. My disappointment was tempered by that astute observation Gillard made on the night of her exit from politics. Gender didn’t explain everything about her Prime Ministership, nor did it explain nothing.

Like many leaders who came before her, and like many who will come after her, Julia Gillard wasn’t perfect. No one is.

Imperfection doesn’t render sexism valid. As Jane Caro has said many times, true equality will be when there are as many mediocre female leaders as there are mediocre men. Whatever the flaws and foibles of a leader, or indeed a person, they ought to be judged on those flaws and foibles. Not any shortcomings, perceived or real, in fitting a stereotype we deem appropriate.

The traditional female stereotype – around caregiving, around nurturing, around power, around femininity – clashes with leadership.

And Julia Gillard wasn’t the only Australian woman on an international stage beating this drum. Last night Nicole Kidman delivered a powerful speech at the Women in Film’s Crystal + Lucy Awards dinner in LA. She said this: 

I was afraid of my own power, afraid that it would threaten people, intimidate people. And it’s a great sadness wishing to be less than you actually are. And it’s hard to take on the world when you’re constantly in a battle with yourself. I worked through it … I’m working through it.

Women are too susceptible to the voice that tells us we need to be accepted … Men say, “I want this.” And then they set out to do it. Women say: “Do I want this? Don’t I want this? Do I deserve this? Can I get this? Hmm, what do you think?” And framing things this way leads women to second-guess our decisions, to ignore our own confidence, to revert to a place that we think is safe, acceptable … I don’t regret much. I try not to live that way, but the regrets that I do have, all go back to the decisions that I’ve made out of fear. Not a fear of my own weakness, but of my own power.

I stand here today well-aware that somewhere out there a girl of 13 or 14 years old will hear these words. Let’s pledge again today to be there for that girl, to support her, artistically, emotionally, financially. Let us create opportunities for her and teach her to imagine her voices trying so hard every day to call her back.

Show her that she is strong and smart and talented. That she deserves a shot at every part that might interested her and at equal pay, too. Let us prove to her that she should go forth without shame.

My friends, failure isn’t shameful, but cowardice is. So let’s take risks. Let’s raise our voices, honour the fire within, ignore our fears. In short, let’s stand tall and never, ever apologise for it.”

There is great truth in these words. How many women shrink in a bid to be less “who they really are” and more “who they think they have to be”? My guess is many. Too many.

Imagine the power in each of us doing less of the former and more of the latter? In shedding the expectation – on ourselves and the men and women around us – to be anything other than who they are? Let’s raise our voices, ignore the fears, stand tall and never apologise for it. Are you in?

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