When Alison Page accepted her gong for regional entrepreneur of the year at our recent NAB Women’s Agenda Leadership awards, she chose to first acknowledge her husband because “he’s a full-time stay-at-home dad”.
As such, said Page, he allows her to “do what I do”, which is to manage a successful arts organisation for Indigenous women in Coffs Harbour.
KPMG managing partner Rosheen Garnon recently expressed a similar sentiment to Women’s Agenda regarding her own husband, who stayed home to look after their two children while her own career progressed to a new level. Her husband, also a partner at KPMG, accepted a career break from the firm to assist Garnon when she was appointed KPMG’s global head of international executive services, in charge of 2500 staff across 128 countries.
Both these women directly credit their partners as contributing to the success of their personal careers. It’s not something you often hear when the situation is reversed — men saying they could only excel at work due to the support of a female partner at home.
As Page noted, the more stay-at-home dads we see the better — even if, she said with a laugh, they don’t always do it as well as we do. It’s hard work and it’s a job like any other. “He tells me that the only way he can really cope with it is if he does at least one sky dive per week. And apparently, he screams on his way down as he does it.”
We may slowly be breaking down the stigma attached to the reversal of what were once considered “traditional” roles. Indeed, author and self-described stay-at-home dad Ben Robertson writes in his book Hear me Roar: the Story of A Stay-at-Home Dad it’s a shift that can be traced back to the 1970s, when John Lennon famously spent five years at home caring for his son Sean. Robertson shares his own experiences at home while his wife’s career (and better paid job) in property progressed, feeling personally comfortable and satisfied but still encountering plenty of “what do you do for a living” questions along the way.
Even in 2013 stay-at-home dads are hardly viewed as the norm. It’s still such an anomaly that Channel Nine commissioned a drama/comedy series based on the phenomena called House Husbands. Nine pitched it as a “fresh and dynamic look at Australian family life, with a very modern twist”.
Over the weekend, fitness writer James Fell (who calls himself a WORK-at-home Dad) wrote that he can’t understand how any man could be a full-time “stay-at-home parent”, aside from taking time out for paternity leave. “I need more than that. I can’t just be a househusband,” he wrote, admitting that he has somewhat of an ego problem himself. “First off, society stigmatises the hell out of it. I couldn’t take having to justify what I do all day.”
Fell believes at-home fathers need something on the side, even if it’s just working part time – a project that contributes to society, to ensure men are seen as a “provider” beyond being a homemaker and a parent. (He’s well aware he’s generating controversy, “I’m going to hell for this article, aren’t I?” he writes).
If this is an attitude shared widely by men, women may have a long way to go before ever truly enjoying an equal opportunity to excel at their careers. Households don’t necessarily require an “at-home parent”, but proving there are plenty of options beyond men being the sole primary breadwinner will go a long way to creating the balance and choices both men and women still crave.