When almost three-quarters of mothers report feeling lonely at least a couple of times a month, it’s worth asking whether the metaphorical “village” is delivering for parents in 2026.
From our recent survey of more than 1000 mothers earlier this year, we learnt that just 38 per cent of respondents said they felt part of a “village”, while 73 per cent reported feeling lonely at least a few times a month and 71 per cent felt isolated from their previous social networks.
Half of the respondents reported feeling lonelier now than before having children.
Over the past couple of weeks, we’ve been diving into the hundreds of written responses we received during this survey, with the data-based survey results released as part of our Beyond the ‘Village’ Report, released in partnership with Medibank earlier this month.
These written responses can be difficult to read, but they do offer key trends worth exploring to highlight how support — and the sense of village — is fragmented for new mothers, as well as to further examine what actually works in connecting new mothers and creating a strong sense of community.
Below are some of the key trends in these long answers.
The life-stage mismatch
A strong pattern of isolation emerges when parents have children at different times to their friends, which aligns with our finding that 71 per cent of respondents reported feeling disconnected from their previous networks. While this is to be expected and any parent can relate to how friendships shift during this massive life change, it’s a trend that should be considered to meet the need for mothers to access opportunities for new social networks and connections. In our survey, mothers described losing friends who don’t have children and even feeling out of step with friends who do, as parenting styles differ. One respondent reported being in a “social no man’s land” at the time — not relating to friends who had taken to motherhood in ways different from their own, nor to friends who did not have children. Some respondents indicated that having children during the COVID years compounded the issues, with new networks that might have formed at this point never actually forming.
Based on these long answers, the absence of a shared life stage appears to be as isolating as geographic distance.
COVID’s lasting shadow
While we intentionally aimed to survey mothers who have had a baby during and since the COVID years, we were surprised by the pandemic’s lasting shadow that hovers over the connections mothers feel today. The references to COVID were frequent, with women who became mothers during lockdowns having mothers’ groups cancelled — or being moved online and then disbanded or never formed at all. Several respondents described the lack of such a group as a formative loss they still carry today, feeling they missed opportunities for connection that were never replaced. Many continue to live with the social consequences of this loss.
One respondent noted on the lasting impact of COVID, “I can’t untangle what baby was and what was COVID. I suffered PND [postnatal depression], and I didn’t have another baby because I couldn’t go through that again.”
Collapse of the informal village
Where is the spontaneous, drop-in and unscheduled connection that we believe comes with new motherhood?
Respondents reported feeling that this has been “lost” — compared to what they expected or what they heard their mothers, aunts, and grandmothers experienced. A sense of longing for a time when neighbours would drop in, and family would be constantly close by. They noted feeling that these interactions have been replaced by formal planning, logistics and energy that are in short supply.
A lack of family geographically close by was frequently cited as a contributor to loneliness, with more new parents today having parents and family overseas than at any other point. The mothers who do feel supported frequently and explicitly credit family proximity or a highly involved partner as being key.
Relationship loneliness and the unequal mental load
Several respondents described feeling most lonely when they were not actually physically alone.
They noted loneliness in their relationships, especially in feeling “unseen” by a partner whose life hasn’t changed as dramatically as their own, and who doesn’t acknowledge the invisible work of motherhood. Numerous mothers highlighted a sense of “carrying everything” both physically, in terms of the child and the housework, and mentally in terms of the organising and planning. Respondents also noted resentment at seeing their partner praised for achieving the basics in parenting.
As one mother said, “A lot of what I do every day is invisible to everyone I know besides the baby who can’t express appreciation. So you feel unseen, underappreciated and alone in the struggles multiple times daily.”
Moving, housing affordability and the loss of existing networks
The cost-of-living and housing-affordability crises are factors in the written responses on loneliness.
Several mothers described being forced to move to suburbs, to regional areas or to cheaper cities to afford their new life stage, which meant starting from scratch when it came to forming new local connections. One respondent called it “communicide” — making the geographic shift and losing your local friendships and connections as a result. This structural link between housing affordability and social isolation, especially when it involves moving away from your local community, is one of the more policy-relevant insights from our report and something that goes unacknowledged in commentary and analysis of the housing crisis.
Exhaustion makes connection feel impossible
Based on analysis of the long answers, the loneliness reported by mothers is rarely due to a lack of desire to connect. Rather, it came down to the demands of caring, working and running a household, leaving no capacity for such connection.
Respondents also indicated that they did not have the natural opportunity to create meaningful connections in the workplace. The idea of venturing out to try and find it is a massive step for anyone, let alone someone with a new baby already contending with the demands and uncertainty of motherhood.
Second-time mothers feel structurally abandoned
Most parent groups and formalised support structures are aimed at first-time mothers. It’s a situation that can leave second-time mothers (and third, fourth, and beyond) feeling their needs have been abandoned.
We heard from multiple mothers who said that having a subsequent child was when they felt they most needed support. But formal mothers’ groups, nurse connections, and group referrals are typically reserved for first-time mothers. In several cases, mothers reported having moved away from the areas where they’d had their first child (often due to living costs) and losing their initial parenting network, other mothers noting not forming strong bonds with the first mothers group they were set up with — and in some cases not having the opportunity at all due to COVID — and longing to get that opportunity the second time around.
And what actually works?
The positive responses mothers shared in this survey were encouraging and highlighted what can be done to support more mothers in making new connections, forming friendships, and avoiding loneliness. Mothers who reported having a strong mothers’ group that met regularly felt significantly less lonely, as did those who participated in a sport or hobby with a regular meeting structure. Having neighbours with similarly-aged kids helps, as does having family members close by. The pattern in these responses made clear that repeated, low-effort contact is a powerful way to create great social connections, including friendships.
Another respondent highlighted the power of genuine connection.
“I found the first few months incredibly isolating. I lost who I was as a person and became very housebound… Connecting with my community-run parents group was incredible. I met so many lovely people, and we still regularly catch up now. Being able to share my experience with people going through a similar thing at the same time was invaluable. They got it. They saw me. It was healing.”
The survey data we collected also indicated what can work. Formal mothers’ groups produce the most genuine friendships, with 28 per cent who attended such groups making genuine, trust-based friendships, the highest of any setting measure (and compares to playgroups at jhust 5% and informal local groups at 18%)
Work is the second-highest source of genuine friendship, and something we’re not discussing enough, suggesting employers have a great opportunity to do more. Twenty-two per cent of respondents made genuine friendships through work or professional networks. For the 74 per cent of survey respondents who are working part-time or full-time, workplaces provide connections.
Finally, we just don’t give enough credit to the power of neighbours. Eighteen per cent of respondents said they made genuine friendships through their local street. While proximity isn’t always possible, especially for more regionally-based and remote mothers, surely there’s an opportunity to build on this 18 per cent. Not just for the sake of the mothers, but for all demographic groups.
The full report, Beyond The Village: Loneliness in mothers and the growing need for stronger social connection in the early years, produced in partnership with Medibank is available here.